There's the rub

Today I got the first massage in my life. I have to say the experience was hilarious.

Especially the phone call to set it up!

I just had no idea how to arrange a massage. It was my friend Lynn's birthday and I was setting it up for both of us. I mean, I volunteered to make the phone call. Was that ever a mistake!

It was in the middle of an extremely hectic day which did not help things.

I did all right as far as handing over our names and securing an appointment. And I let them know I had never had a massage before. (I was not saying this to be conversational. First-time customers get a discount.)

Then they asked if I wanted a man or a woman to give me this massage.

I was not prepared for that question. "I don't know," I said. Then I said: "I guess it doesn't matter."

How about a gay man? That would give me the best of both worlds, hahahaa.

Ahem.

Before I could dwell on that too long they shot the next question at me.

"Is this a couples massage?" I was asked.

What in the world? "Well, we're, uh, girlfriends," I said. "We're not a couple."

I sensed on the other end a touch of exasperation and pity. I was rubbing these people the wrong way! So to speak. They must have been thinking I fell off the turnip truck.

Then the woman hipped me to the fact that a couples massage meant that you were getting your massages in the same room, so you could talk, or whatever. Well, why didn't you say so?

They said "couples." I mean, what was I supposed to think, in this freewheeling modern day and age?

Feeling like a total jerk, I said yes, we would like the, um, couples massage.

Finally I get off the phone and I buzz my friend Lynn.

She texts me: "Did you get the Swedish or the hot stone massage?"

I text back something along the line of how should I know, I am an expert in Leonard Pennario, not in massages. They had not asked me that question, about Swedish versus hot stone.

Ding ding! Another text.

"I like the hot stone," Lynn wrote.

End result: She had to call them and straighten everything out.

As for the massage itself: I have to say, it was relaxing.

Anything would be relaxing after this!