Thursday, July 21, 2011

Slug ahoy

After my cooldown yesterday, today I turn up the heat! In my eagerness to share my thoughts on the Woody Allen movie ("Midnight in Paris") I forgot to write about slugs, schufts and oiks. That is a slug up above! Not that I ever forget what one looks like.

Here is my slug story for today.

My mother is very limited when it comes to movies. She will only go on the Dipson Theaters' Bargain Day which is Tuesday. I had trouble making it on Tuesday so I offered Wednesday instead.

"No," she said. "It's against my principles."

So, Tuesday, there we are, in the Vic, headed to the Amherst Theater for the 7 p.m. show. Enough with this "theatre" business, you know? The word is theater.

We get there and this woman behind the counter coolly informs us that the 7 p.m. show is canceled because there is a special screening.

My mother is acting as if the world is ending. "Oh, no," she is saying. "Oh, no."

This sort of thing has to happen to me when I am with my mother, you know? It happened once when I was with Pennario, too. A showing coolly canceled. And with minimal apologies, is what makes it worse. If they just sincerely apologized that helps you feel better.

The girl did tell us the movie was showing at Eastern Hills.

"What time?" I asked.

She said at 7:15.

OK, it's a straight shot out Main Street, we would just be a little bit late. Back into the heat, back into the Vic, and we got there just before the opening credits. On the bright side the classical station was playing one of my favorite Mozart piano concerto, No. 14.

But the experience got me thinking just how oblivious people are! Not me! I am different! When I answer my phone at the paper and someone has been transferred to me by mistake I always fall all over myself apologizing. I tell them I am the music critic. I ask, "Do you have any questions about Beethoven or Brahms?" Then I transfer them where they need to go and give them the number in case anything screws up.

As a matter of fact here is a picture someone recently took of me at my desk on the phone with a mistake caller.


I mean, be nice, you know? It is not as if my record is perfect but I try.

The other day I also was confronted with a slug at the bank. This is M&T where I keep most of my money. After making a transaction I thought to mention to the teller that I was out of checks for my checking account, and could I get new ones? She said no problem, talk to customer service on the way out.

No problem, right. That is another thing, everyone lies to you. Like the cop in Kenmore lied to me. And I am always so nice. Back to M&T. I go to the customer service counter. The customer service woman, cracking her gum and not meeting my eyes, snarled at me, "It'll be 18 business days."

I asked if they could give me any starter checks to tide me over. The answer was an unapologetic no. She cracked her gum again.

This is why I hate banking. I will do anything not to walk into a bank.

Oh well. I am listening to that music and it reminds me, when the going is tough, there is always Mozart.

There is always Leonard Pennario.

I need a fix.

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