So you think you can dance...

At Zumba class yesterday I began to get dissatisfied with my lot.

My Zumba clothes are so 2010. Nobody wears Zumba clothes any more like the ones that I wear. I have the fluorescent green and blue and pink pants. Now the trend is for more muted colors. I am so out of fashion!

Also my body is all wrong for Zumba. Last night I kept seeing myself in the mirror and thinking that.

Those belly dancing moves look ridiculous when I do them.

The petite curvy girls look better doing the salsa than I do.

The teacher does all these cute moves that I just cannot make work.

I am so tall and straight up and down! I have never felt so tall in my life. In my family you could call me the runt of the litter -- I am littler than my brothers and sisters  -- but in Zumba I feel tall, and unsuited to the moves. I am constantly being reminded just by looking at myself that I am descended from German soldiers. Reluctant German soldiers, perhaps, but German soldiers all the same.

So. What I need is new clothes.

I know, that is the answer to everything! But in this case it really is.

Maybe I can get knee-length pants and a top that is not so tight, the better to create the impression that maybe I have something to bring to the table here.

Or how about this outfit? Is it me or what?

Those clothes would fool people into thinking I am this Zumba pro and not an, ahem, music critic, not to mention Leonard Pennario's biographer.

Oh well. Who cares if I am not cool in Zumba class?

Not cool still burns calories.