Friday, March 13, 2009
Into the weeds
Yesterday I was on my way out the door and I was late as usual and at the last minute I could not find my keys. And I sat down on the floor with my purse. Just sat down. In disgust!
"I cannot keep living like this," I said.
Then Howard started lecturing me. "You can't say things like that," he said. "You have to stop talking about how your life is a mess. You have to say positive things."
On the way to work, I thought: Howard is right!
Of course it was easy for me to think positive thoughts then seeing that I had found my keys. Every time a situation like that arises in my life and is fixed it is the way I hear childbirth is. You forget all the pain that went before.
But still. Still. Since then I have been trying to think positive thoughts. "My life is under control," I tell myself. And: "So what if I forgot to put out the garbage and the recycling. I will remember next week." And: "I will have my book on Leonard Pennario done soon."
My mind is clear. I am well-rested. I am strong.
I am getting good at this! And wait till I learn to say all this in German. Imagine how forceful it will be then.
Of course, obstacles in my path. This morning, for instance, cries out for pink. I want to wear a hot pink sweater, to brighten the cold day and cement my new resolve to spread sunshine in my own life.
Only trouble is, we have a union demonstration at work and we have to wear black.
Can you beat that? Here it is the first day of the rest of my life and I have to wear widow's weeds. That is a term I love, widow's weeds. That is a picture of widow's weeds up above. I Googled the phrase and that is what I got.
What about bishop's weed?
What about Bishop Kmiec?
See what happens? Just wearing black gets you on to all kinds of things you do not want to think about. Maybe I will blow off the union demonstration and wear my hot pink sweater anyway. I will say I didn't know. I will say I forgot.
I will say: "I am clear-headed. I am well-rested. I am strong."
The power of positive thinking!