Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The summer of the slug

It is not every morning you get to pick up the paper and read good news. So I loved picking up The Buffalo News this morning and seeing that the Common Council is making plans to crack down on boom cars and -- this is the good part -- have them towed.

Ha, ha! Wouldn't that be more funny than anything, seeing these losers have to watch while their big loud vehicle is towed away?

Summer used to be the time of year I loved best. I love wearing sandals and sundresses and bathing suits. I like sitting out on Hertel patios. But it is getting to the point where I can't take it any more. Every summer, Buffalo turns into a slug's world. I am just living in it.

The other day I heard a girl on our block yell to someone, at the top of her lungs: "OMIGOD YOUR BUTT IS HANGING OUT!" I made a mental note of that quote just so I could reprint it.

And that is music to my ears next to some of the other things I have heard. You can't walk anywhere without hearing slugs slinging the "F" word around, roaring their motorcycles in your ears and blasting their car stereos. The other day a boom car went past that was so loud things were shaking. It set off the car alarm next door. The car alarm next door goes off several times a day but still.

Here is a good idea for therapy. Maybe I can establish a Slug Gallery on this site. Whenever any of us has to deal with an outrageous slug, we could snap that person's picture and post it. That way when we run into slugs we can see them not as annoyances but as fine specimens.

I will get Howard to start working on that technology so we can get that powerful therapeutic system in place. Meanwhile, we can start by sharing our favorite slug quotes.

I challenge anyone to top: "OMIGOD YOUR BUTT IS HANGING OUT!"


Anonymous said...

OK -- I'll take your challenge. How about this, from the slug who almost T-boned me as she ran the red light in front of me, and after I gave her a horn-blast: "You idiot! I ain't got no brakes!"
Pretty special.

Howard Goldman said...


That one may be hard to top.

Buffalopundit said...

When I first heard Ward tell that story, I almost wet myself from laughing.

Anonymous said...

I know that I can't top those....... but you still might enjoy this....said to me in a very sincere, polite tone by a well-meaning young man at a pub in Hammondsport......"Hey, I really like you want to go out to the mountains, run around naked and shoot guns......?"
(Yes MKG, I said, " is so nice of you to ask...thanks for asking thank you.")

Mary Kunz Goldman said...

Wow, we now have three great contenders for Slug Quote O'the Year... and I thought I would be the only contributor! Morgan, you are too much! Ward, where did that happen, if I might ask? I want to know the intersection, just to make the story complete..

Anonymous said...

Mary -- Since you asked (deep breath):
It was at the intersection of Sand Creek Road and Watervliet Shaker Road in the Town of Colonie, a suburb of Albany. Fully twenty-five years ago (earlier incarnation). Yet it seems so vivid--as though it was yesterday. I can still see her mostly tooth-free maw gaping cavernously as the invective spewed out righteously. It was a beautiful moment, sent to me by a benevolent Creator purely for my joy.

Anonymous said...

Please define "slug" in specific terms.