Owwwwwww!

Just got back from getting my teeth tightened. What a pain! I mean, I can see my teeth straightening out. But those few seconds when they put the screws to you, it is not pretty.

But what goes around comes around. My ortho, Dr. Kevin Hanley, is now getting braces too. He has what is called "the appliance" in his mouth already. AHAHAHA! Does he do them himself? I will have to ask him that. It is the obvious question but it did not occur to me when I was sitting there with my mouth open.

My brother George, who is downstairs right now playing Gershwin's "Of Thee I Sing" on my Steinway, says it is amazing that the technology of braces has not changed since we were kids. They have found no way to do it better than they used to. You would think they could just beam a laser into your mouth, but no.

Another thing that has not changed: the street cleaner. Those funny old street cleaners, with the circular mops, you still see them chugging down your street, same as ever.

Also, the snowplow. Donn Esmonde at The Buffalo News once referred to the plows, admiringly, as "machinery from the Jurassic era." True!

Speaking of old things, what a loss, that barn that burned out in Williamsville. I did not know it was there, but now I am outraged that it is gone. When something is 187 years old, it's just not forgivable that it burns and everyone goes, "Oops." I think it was probably burned by Williamsville punks, kids who went in there to smoke or something. Williamsville has punks same as the rest of us do. The town should have had the place secured, had an alarm on it or something.

Back to my braces. I don't know if I told this story. A while ago I had to interview this comedian, Robert Klein, on the phone. I had trouble talking because of all the metal in my mouth. So I said, "Mr. Klein, you have to forgive me. I can't say the letter 's' because I have braces, and --"

"You have braces?" Robert Klein said. "Jesus, what are you, 14?"

Ha, ha! When I go to the ortho, it sure feels that way.