Revved up

MKG poses with her Republican-econobox.

What with the soaring gas prices, I am thinking it is time to buy a bigger car.

Maybe it's time to buy an SUV. I never liked them. I think they're ugly. But I hear you can get great deals these days. Say I saved $20,000 on a $60,000 slightly used Intimidator, or whatever they're called. That means with the $20,000 I saved, I could get 5,000 gallons of free gas. Such a deal!

When shopping for a new car, seek the advice of a professional driver like Buffalo cab-driver Ron Moss.

With the amount of driving I do, I would use only 50 gallons every two weeks, tops. Which means my free gas allotment would last me two years. That is cheaper than buying a Prius! Plus I know, you know, we all know that gas is going to come down. When it does, I can sell the SUV for what I paid for it, or pretty close to it. Or maybe more.

MKG recovering her stolen Buick on Lemon Street.

Meanwhile all those Prius owners will be dumping their out-of-fashion Priuses like last year's padded shoulders when they have to buy a new $5,000 battery. What is with those batteries? They cost more than a whole engine! I must pause to point out that every appliance I ever bought that needs batteries has been a ripoff. Think of those tears on Christmas mornings when you were a kid. Also, my Water-Pik kicked a few days ago -- after what, a month of use? Already I have had to buy a new one. Let that be a lesson.

Hmmm, maybe I'll buy a Hummer. They are closing the plant. They can't give them away. They have been humming a different tune.

Now, I am, too!