The other day when I went to the dentist I came home with lots of teeth freebies. It felt like being a little kid. I had this baggie and I excitedly cracked it open when I got home and spread everything out on the bathroom counter.
What I found most exciting was this kind of toothbrush I never had before, with a conical attachment that snaps in and out and cleans between your teeth. But there was also a small tube of whitening toothpaste. And a little bottle of Listerine mouthwash that I couldn't open because of its child-proof top. And those floss loops that allow you to string floss beneath your braces. I already bought special floss that allows me to get under there without loops, but I hoard the loops anyhow.
I have become fixated on my dental paraphernalia. When I'm in drugstores I detour to the dental aisle and buy all this stuff. I have all kinds of fancy floss now, and various whitening compounds, including this Listerine whitener that I can't use because it tastes like paint, but I display it in the bathroom anyway. You know who in music history had a teeth fixation? He was always polishing his teeth. You will never guess. Here is a clue: He is a major, major figure. I will reveal his name in a second -- meanwhile, you can try to guess.
Combing the drugstore I sometimes discover other interesting things. Recently I was in CVS, in the hair aisle. I was looking at Scunci stuff. You know, they make all these girlie things, like barrettes and headbands and scrunchies.
What did I see but a do-rag!!!???!!
All nicely packaged, and they spelled it with a chic umlaut, if I remember correctly. Du-rag, with an umlaut over the "u," something like that. (I am German and you would think I would be able to do an umlaut on the computer but I have no idea how to do that.)
Who knew that do-rags were made by Scunci?
Next time I am walking down Bailey and see a man wearing a do-rag, I am going to imagine him walking into CVS, finding the hair accessories aisle, and finding his du-rag (with an umlaut) among all those headbands and barrettes. Because surely that is what happened.
Imagine what it would do to gang culture, if word got around.