Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Blowin' in the wind

MKG is not green at being green.

This whole "green" thing, I don't quite understand it. What is new about this? Haven't we been trying forever to recycle, save energy and be nice to the planet? I have been doing that since high school. Was I the only one? Is everyone else just starting?

It's just the same old thing in a new package, is all I can think. And it's annoying. It's as if all my efforts -- taking the subway instead of driving, canning my own tomatoes, cooking dried beans instead of canned, supporting local farmers, buying used clothes, walking, obsessively recycling, roasting my own granola instead of buying packaged cereal -- are being ignored. I have even been known to mow the lawn with a hand mower! How many other people do that?

MKG tinkering in the shop with one of her carbon footprint experiments.

Oh well. That doesn't stop Howard and me from reducing our carbon footprint -- there's another new buzzword for you -- still further. As a matter of fact, it is now officially invisible. Good luck finding our carbon footprint. It is not anywhere.

We have discovered new technology which has allowed us to retire our window air conditioner. This new technology is quieter, more pleasant and much easier on the environment. It is ingenious technology, taking advantage of the fragrant, natural air outside. And if the air doesn't always smell that great, what with the zoo up-wind from us, that's OK too. Dung is a natural product. It is good for the environment.

Our new technology is an electric fan.

It's square, and it sits in the window, and it has a price tag on it, too, that says $5. I bought it at a garage sale last year or sometime, I forget. So I didn't even support whatever sweatshop the device originally came from. And because my mom was with me, I probably didn't even pay $5. My guess is she talked it down.

You cannot beat this thing!

It whirs throughout the night, creating a gentle white noise that makes it easy to sleep. Are you still allowed to write "white noise"? I am constantly being made aware that this or that phrase is politically incorrect. The scent of roses drifts up to the window. That is more cutting-edge energy-saving technology we have developed -- rosebushes that function as an organic security system. Creeps can't crawl in our front windows or the thorns will gore them to within an inch of their lives.

What about Al Gore? Him, too.

Anyway, Howard and I stand around every morning congratulating ourselves on how clever we are, with our electric fan. Lastnight with the winds and the thunderstorms it went berserk.

It helps make up for all the hot air we've been feeling these days.

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