Greeks bearing gifts

You know those daily email deals you sign up for? I get Sweet Deal, LivingSocial, Groupon, the works. I have never actually purchased one but I watch and wait and think, maybe some day.

Meanwhile, I am happy just reading the descriptions of the deals.

Who in the world is writing these things? I wonder sometimes if one single person writes the copy for all these email-deal places, because it is all so good. Just as an example, today's deal is for Acropolis, a little Greek restaurant on Elmwood. 

I invite you to read and observe. 

This person is the Leonard Pennario of copywriters. He or she knows the word "greave." Understands that when you are referring to the Greek city of Sparta you capitalize it, as opposed to the generic "spartan." Spells "bounteous" and "Achaeans" and "Hellenic" correctly. Hints at the Odyssey with the reference to the sirens.

Surely that is the writer pictured above! 

To that unsung copywriter I just want to say, I admire you. Because I know what it is like to write something and be blue thinking people have overlooked your hard work whereas the vast majority of writers out there are ignorant and mediocre.

OK, here goes, Anonymous Groupon Copywriter on Buffalo's Greek restaurant Acropolis:

Even with their sights set on eternal glory, the well-greaved Achaeans besieging Troy had to break for dinner. Today's Groupon brings bounteous Hellenic fare across the wine-dark sea and straight into your mouth, the skilled breaker of horses: For $10 you get $20 worth of Greek fare and drinks at Acropolis on Elmwood Avenue.

With a staff headlined by master chef Pauly Souffle, Acropolis boasts a menu bursting at the seams with Greek-inspired grub and international dishes. A Trojan-bowl filled to the brim with daily soup ($2.95) infiltrates unsuspecting tasters with astounding homemade flavor, while the hummus roasted red pepper ($7.95) lunch appetizer is a sweet siren song of pureed chickpeas, garlic, lemon oil, and roasted pepper served with pita bread. In celebration of ancient Greece's luminous east coast, diners can feast on a New York strip steak (10.95), featuring an 8oz slice of beast and choice of sides. Like giving a grizzly bear the car keys during a family camping trip, the gyro dinner ($10.95) extends an olive branch to bellowing stomachs in the form of Greek salad, potato or rice pilaf, tzatziki, and pita bread. Kids can strengthen their bones as the Spartan youth before them by battling a grilled cheese sandwich backed by an army of fries ($3.95)––then wash down their foes with a naval fleet comprised of chocolate milk ($2.25) and Oreo milkshakes ($3.50).