Friday, June 18, 2010

Weighty matters

The scale does not move so Howard and I are getting rid of it.

Originally I had another reason for wanting to get rid of it and get a new scale. Once a few days ago when I stepped on the scale, it gave me a range of 15 pounds depending on which way the scale faced, whether it sat on the tiles or the rug, and what side I leaned down on.

Zut alors!

I am only a few pounds over where I should be (she said piously) but I have been scrutinizing the scale because I am afraid my book on Leonard Pennario has not been kind to my weight. There were two weeks once when I hardly ever went outside or moved. I just sat at my computer from morning till night. Writing a book can make you fat! Nobody ever told me that.

Usually when I am weighing myself I do turn the scale one way and then another. Howard does, too! I hear it. When he is in the bathroom I can hear the scale scraping on the tiles this way and that. But still. I did not think this warranted this 15-pound weird behavior!

And after a week of doing Zumba classes every day, how about that?

I said to Howard, "Something's wrong with the scale."

He said, "I know. It doesn't move."

Ha, ha!

So we are getting rid of it.

Perhaps we will not replace it. Hereafter we will just go regularly to City Hall and weigh ourselves on the big Toledo scale there. Buffalo has a collective weight problem so our City Hall offers this public service: You can go to City Hall and weigh yourself there. That way they store the scale and you do not have to.

If our scale tries to speak up and defend itself we will say, tell it to the hand.

'Cause the bod ain't listening!


Larry said...

Bright idea: Sell it out on the lawn as a yard sale item. Tell people it is a magic scale and only moves when they need a weight change or something. Yeah, that's it.

Prof G. said...

This is far from Pennario, but one of my heroes, Groucho, had literary ambitions and most of his friends were writers. He was aware of the weight problems connected to that sedentary profession and was proud of the fact that he maintained his weight of (I think) 145 pounds his whole life. Of course, I remember you as Long Tall Skinny, so your complaints kind of baffle me.