The safety dance

Has anyone else notice that when you are out and about -- shopping, whatever -- no one tells you "Happy Thanksgiving"?

Everyone says, "Have a nice holiday."

What, do they not remember which holiday it is that is coming up? And not only that, you get this:

"Have a safe holiday."

I get that bit about being safe ALL THE TIME. Just yesterday I was told that something like five times. And I do not understand it.

What do these people think we are doing on our, um, holiday that we have to be told to be safe? Do they think we are driving drunk? Are they worried our stoves might malfunction and perhaps blow up as we prepare our Thanksgiving feast? Maybe they think we are going to eat so much that we malfunction and perhaps blow up. I have no idea. I am mystified.

Maybe they are concerned about our shopping. After my urban shopping yesterday I can kind of understand it. I was in Family Dollar when there was this disturbance and these kids went running out and the clerk had to get on the phone and call security. And in K Mart you should have seen all the slugs and schufts talking and swearing into their cell phones. And the boom cars in the parking lot.

Howard said: "Well, this is why people live in the suburbs." That was when I was back home and complaining about my urban shopping experience.

Well, I have no time today to sit around in Leonard Pennario's bathrobe trying to figure out the opaque modern mindset. First I have to get snow tires on my car, an errand that makes me want to kill myself but Howard says I have to do it and besides he has put the snow tires in the trunk. Second I have to make two kinds of stuffing. Third, clean up the house big time. Fourth -- oh yeah, have to go to work.

Already I blew a lot of time listening to Pennario playing Beethoven's "Moonlight" Sonata.

Now I really have to fly.

Everyone, have a safe Wednesday!