What with roasting my turkey and marveling at the butchers at the Broadway Market and grilling Leonard Pennario's friends, I have had no time to watch the Olympics. I didn't know how exotic they were getting.
Who knew there was such a thing as Olympic Air Pistol? The paper showed a picture of the Russian medalist in air pistol with her arm around the Georgian medalist in air pistol.
I know, it takes skill to fire an air pistol. But what do you exercise, your trigger finger? What about Olympic Air Hockey? That's more athletic than air pistol.
What about Olympic Air Guitar?
How about Olympic Lotto? Or Olympic Video Slot Machine? Or the Screwing Up Newspaper Delivery Olympics? You train by tossing the papers into the bushes, more and more expertly each time. Howard suggests the J-Date Olympics. Or the Gladhanding Schmoozer Olympics. Or ... here's one for Buffalo... the Coupon Olympics.
We should have a Bureaucrat Olympics. How many fees and knee-jerk headline laws can you impose on the public in a two-hour period? New York State could have that one sewn up.
Wait, we've got it. Olympic Road Rage! First, the mall parking lot event. Then the highway event. Then the cloverleaf event. Then the backing out of your own driveway event. The being late for church event. It would be costly for the host country to set up this infrastructure but then there never seems to be any financial limit when it comes to these things.
What about Olympia Dukakis? Or the Olympic Towers? Or Olympic Family Restaurant, on Military Road?
Or Olympic Avenue, where Troidl's used to be? Why are there no festivities there?
And I wonder why I never get any work done.