Appliance hell

All my appliances are giving out. I am starting to think the problem is me. Maybe I am radiating electricity or magnetic force.

Anyway, there have been three. The first was my turntable. When I was a kid, vinyl was already on the way out, but I stuck with it then, and I stick with it now. And last week, my trusty old stereo system, the one that I won in a mortgage contest when I worked at Citibank, it began making a noise. So I need a new turntable. Listen to me. How 1950s could I possibly sound?

The next was the Water-Pik. At least I took care of that. Going without a Water-Pik is for me like going without oxygen, so I can cross that off my list.

But also, somewhere along the line, my CD Walkman quietly kicked. Not with any drama, either. It is like a person who decides to stop eating. It just quietly refuses to accept any disk. You put one in and it asks you "Disc?" "Disc?"

I went to Kmart last week looking for a new Walkman. I got to Electronics and no one was there. Also, I did not see one thing that resembled a portable CD player. Also Kmart is a total zoo on Saturdays and I just could not handle it. So I left. And yesterday I went to Walgreen's to get one.

What a slug experience I had!

The Walkman, God knows why, was locked up like Fort Knox behind the Camera counter. Things were fixed so you couldn't take it off the rack it hung from. If that isn't the dumbest thing! This thing cost $15.95. Whereas the Water-Pik cost something like $50, and that you can just walk off with.

The kid behind the Camera counter expertly avoided my eyes until I finally yelled "Hello!" right in his ear.

"Could you please help me out with that CD gizmo?" I said, pointing out the one I needed.

Then I had him help me get a pair of headphones, too. A cheap Walkman sounds a lot better with decent headphones.

He got these things for me. But he never met my eyes and never said anything aside from a series of grunts.

Then of course I am the one saying, "Thank you."

And he just grunts again, and returns to whatever slug pursuit had occupied him before my approach.

Why are we always the ones thanking these people?

But the strategy works for them. Because as I tested the Walkman out yesterday, I was dissatisfied because it skipped a lot. I mean, I didn't pay top dollar for it but it wasn't THAT cheap, either. It really should work better than it does.

Still, do you think I'll return it? No!

I just can't face that slug.