Stand facing the stove

I cooked dinner tonight for the first time in something like a week. I have not been home all week. I have turned into my college self.

Here are phrases I hate seeing in cookbooks and cooking magazines.

1. "Boneless, skinless chicken." Heaven's sake, learn to deal with skin and bones, you know?
2. "Serve with hot, cooked rice." You know what, my guests prefer cold, raw rice.
3. "Fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth." My sister Katie saw that once and laughed out loud.
4. "Refrigerated potato slices." What in the world?
5. "Cookie of the month." What is with Martha Stewart? She wants us all to be 400 pounds!
6. "Heavy or whipping cream." It is 2008. Can't we cook without this stuff?
7. "One teaspoon oil." Who can saute anything in that amount?
8. "Barack Obama." Oh, wait, I was talking about cooking magazines.
9. "Flank steak." Where do you buy this? I think I found it in a supermarket maybe once.
10. "Prepare grill." Here it is July 20 and I have not prepared mine.

How is that for a Top Ten list right off the top of my head? Yes, I have complaining down to a fine art. I would love to hear phrases other people hate in cookbooks, too, if anyone cares to confide them. It feels good to complain about it, in case that gets anyone motivated. Jump in! The water's fine!

On the bright side, my dinner turned out well. I got sick of searching for a recipe so I just threw together a summer chicken stew with zucchini and onions and celery and fat-free, less-sodium tomato sauce. I am kidding of course. It is just my own tomato sauce that I canned last summer. I also threw in raisins. That is a great exotic touch you can get with no extra work at all.

After dinner I actually cleaned the kitchen. I have cleared the decks.

Tomorrow will be another day full of adventure.