Monday, July 14, 2008

Modern love

Jon pictured on left is dining with Howard.

Wow, what a rant yesterday! What got into me? But I have to say this, writing that yesterday felt good. It just did. Sometimes you have to let off steam.

Luckily I have gotten comic relief since then, from a variety of sources, one of which is Howard's friend Jon.

Jon was married for a long time but now he is not and he is on J-Date. That is the Jewish singles dating site. I guess it is quite the marketplace because I have heard a lot about it. Anyway, Jon is on the phone with Howard all the time suddenly, raving about hot new prospects. Yesterday the big story was that this woman from Toronto returned his email.

Being a woman I am hard-wired to seek out romantic information. I love hearing about people's virtual love affairs.

But sometimes, I have to say, it sounds damn wearying. Such as in this instance. What is Jon going to do now, go up to Toronto? "Just what anyone does not need," Howard says. "You meet someone who lives out of town."

That is just one of the pitfalls of Internet dating. I know it can work out. I know married couples who met that way. All it takes is one good person. So if you keep playing this numbers game, I imagine the odds are good that you'll find someone good.

Still, it could take so long! I have been married only a couple of years. I know how this goes. The trouble is that everything can work out beautifully on paper. Say I'm single, I get on the Internet and I find this guy who is Catholic, plays the piano, likes vinyl, even has a few rare Leonard Pennario albums I do not have. "This is great!" I say. "I have found my soul mate!" I say.

And then I meet him in person. And I go... "Uhhhhhh... I don't think so."

I am not saying you have to find love at first sight but there is such a thing as un-love at first sight. I mean that first second when you see someone for the first time and you know that nothing will ever happen between you. And when you are blind-dating you get a lot of that.

Part of the reason that happens is that I don't think any of us knows what we're looking for.

Howard and I were once talking about that and Howard was imagining the kind of personal ad he might have written when he was looking for someone. He said, "I would never have described you."

I think it is best just to go through life doing what you want to do and pursuing projects you're passionate about and trust in God to send someone your way. There is a line from Mozart's "The Magic Flute" that I love. Pamina, the princess who is the opera's heroine, says to Papageno, the goofy birdcatcher, who is looking for a wife: "Geduld, Freund -- der Himmel will auch fuer dich sorgen." Which means, be patient, friend, God (or heaven, technically) will look out for you too.

I do not think I will bother quoting that line to Howard's friend Jon.

Anyway, I have a feeling he is on his way up to Toronto.

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